best-of-funny: readalot413: liverpate: azraeldoesnotdispute: liverpate: why am i not a banana Because your genetic code dictates that you are human. However, it should please you to know that you share 50 - 60% of your DNA with a banana. thanks man are you telling me that some people are 10% more banana than other people
hermionejg: fishingboatproceeds: Sometimes I feel like tumblr doesn’t even care about sports. 99.9% of tumblr:
niggawitdreadz: niggawitdreadz: i have a pair of glasses that can make me turn from hood nigga to caring father. from give me ya money lil nigga to son just talk to me, i’m here to listen
I wouldn't be afraid of spiders if I could just...
Me: Oh, hey whoa, this shower is occupied.
Spider: Omg man I didn't see you there.
Me: We cool?
Spider: Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.
Me: Oh, that's legit. Hey, you might wanna move over some--you're descending right into the shower stream and I don't want you to drown.
Spider: Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.
Me: So...can I get out now?
Spider: Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.
Me: Thanks. You have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom, okay?
Spider: Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening.
you deserve every bit of pain you’re feeling
tomlinsarse: what my brother just came into my room and put a blob of butter on my arm and just stared at me with the straightest of faces so i asked why he did that and he just whispered, “you never said you didn’t want butter on your arm” before backing out of the door and just staring at me the entire time just the fuck